Egg on My Face...

I must confess, I've been very sulky lately. So much so that Mr. Devlin actually picked up on it a few days ago (nevermind I've been feeling this way for a month before hand...).

It's Autumn. My most favoritestest time of the year (*note: the author of the blog may absolutely make up words at her choosing, to the horror of "real" authors everywhere). Candycorn and cider (fresh or hard) and apple everythings and pumpkins and leaves changing and and and...my birthday.

*Sigh.* I'm getting old...older still in a few more weeks and for whatever reason, this particular birthday has me in a state of downright despair. (Somewhere in the distance, my older sister is quoting Anne of Green Gables concerning despair.)

I am, though. I'm utterly and completely dreading this birthday. It's not even a major number...unless you consider those individuals who, say, have completed their earthly mission and redeemed mankind by this point. le sigh


And so, with my age hovering like a hungry cat on a limping mouse, I find myself drawn to all the miracle cures for wrinkles and loose skin and sagging ....well, sagging everythings.

I came across these three skin care options, and-despite my near-manic fear of being so damned old-I'm not about to blow a penny on anything (just yet).

SKIN TONER:

1 egg white.

Yeah, no kidding. That's pretty cheap. First, wash your face. Then, whip the egg white and apply it to your face. Leave it there for about 15 minutes (I'd avoid going out into the sun while you're at it). Wash off with lukewarm water (use hot and your face will be a floating island hahahahahahaha....sorry, pastry chef humor there). Pat dry and your skin will feel tighter and silky smooth.

LEMON SKIN TONER:
*This one will keep in the fridge indefinitely.

Mix together 2 oz lemon juice (that's an 1/8 cup), 4 oz distilled water, and 3 oz witch hazel (cheap at the drugstore and good to have around the house anyways). Shake it well before using and apply with a clean cotton ball. Keep in a squeeze bottle for easy use.

....this next one has me pretty curious. It claims to be great if you have oily skin because it is a deep cleaning mask (so make sure you moisturize afterwards, ladies).

FACIAL CLEANSING MASK:
1 packet dry yeast
3 drops lemon juice
2 teaspoons warm water

Mix together "vigorously" in a small bowl to form a thick paste (add more water if needed) and apply to the face  and let sit for 10 to 15 minutes. At which time you'll have baked a loaf of bread with your blackheads.....no no no, at which time, you should use warm-not hot- water to rinse off.

I realize, of course, that there a plenty of women who are older than me that are beautiful and still achieving goals and reaching ever higher in their quest for really living their lives. I applaud them and-after this huge pity party is over, I may even join them. But for right now, I just feel old and dried up and grouchy about it...but with better-looking skin, at least.

Whenever I think fondly of Autumn, I think of this picture....
and now she can dress herself for school....