bipolar baking: I May Have Done Something Right....

The holidays are a baker's time to shine--it's our time to do it up big and show off and wow everyone's pants off and then sit back and grin. We plan for a month or two ahead of time and stockpile supplies and bake at night and hid our concoctions until the moment arrives and *POOF!!* there are goodies and candies and confections and yule logs and pies and you totally didn't know we could do all this. Bakers are like little elves only we have social security numbers and can reach the gas pedal in the car while steering....well, most of us can.

Every year, that's my deal. I revel in that sort of thing. I start baking the day after Thanksgiving. I use every available piece of tupperware available to me. I fill the freezer with so much stuff, we don't have room for real food.

I show off. And I get to live out that principle my mother taught me to go no where during the holidays empty handed. It's about hospitality and generosity and good will.

I didn't do that this year.

Instead, we moved to a new house. And I spent enormous amounts of time cleaning the place and trying to figure out the best way to make my little family feel at home. And my in-laws came from the Old Country (Pennsylvania) and they really helped the kids feel like this was home and warmed our home with their love. This was the first time they could hold their new grandson and nothing beats the love grandparents exude.

paparazzi

After all that, we finally managed to shop for Christmas and put up the tree and join in on the feeling that everyone else seemed to already be enjoying-like coming late to a really good party. Holiday specials on tv and hot chocolate and kids in footie pj's and Christmas music and the church choir at Mass....

I don't know why...

And I did bake. I just didn't squirrel away goodies. I didn't stay up late at night isolated in my kitchen. I DID however, stay up late at night and rock babies and sing songs and tickle children and tell them stories of my childhood. I spent time with my family. I was in the moment with them. And I don't think a big pile of goodies for my husband's associates or the neighbors can really replace that. (In fact, the neighbors brought US stuff instead!)

So we made cookies for Santa and goodies for class parties and cinnamon rolls for Christmas breakfast and I cooked some glorious meals but I also got down on the floor and played with my kids and went on a date with my man. And smiled. And laughed. And felt like a real human being.

Yule log that.